GO VOTE!

I'm off to early vote tonight! I've never early voted, but I have voted in many elections. I think it's becasue my folks have always been voters, my maternal grandfather was a voter, too.

So, just a reminder -- do what you got to, but GO VOTE! Of course, get educated first! Not sure if I'm for the voting campaign or not, because I think they should be telling people, "Get educated, Go Vote!"

October 17

Some how my computer binked and this didn't get posted....then, I avoided the computer all weekend...so here's what I wrote last Friday, but some how did not post.

Today's one of those days. It's a little gloomy here this morning, but I hear the clouds should break and the sun will shine. I'm a little sad. Today's my maternal grandfather's birthday. He's not with us anymore, so it's a little sad. Sad because I miss him, of course. But, I know better! It's also a very good day -- a day we should be eating German Chocolate Cake and Pecan Pie. I think we always had both for his birthday.

I wonder what he would think of the things going on in the world, or the country, or even our own little family. He was no war hero -- he was denied due to a heart condition that would make his life short they said. Well, his life was shorter than I would have liked, but it fulfilled his purpose in life. (He promised he would take care of her until her dying day, and six weeks after that, he went to catch up with her.)

He paid his bills, lived with as little debt as possible and kept those dear, near to him. He was not materialistic, one day I'll share pictures of their home he built with his own hands. He worked hard, three jobs sometimes. He was a worker man, no doubt. Hard work never killed anyone he would tell us. At the dairy, he would open things up and get things started for the day. Then, he would tend his own land and livestock. Then, at night, he was a janitor at one of the local schools.

I, of course, thought they were rich -- I mean, he had all of this land! We lived in the city, in our little house, with our little yard, and our little dog. He had acres and acres, cattle, pigs, chickens, peacocks, and a dog or two! Mom would tell me, that we could only have one dog because they were expensive, needed lots of room and we could not take care of more than one. He had to be rich -- he had all that room and could take care of so many animals! He had his truck and a tractor. They almost always had a Hershey's candy bar or M&M's in the fridge for us. Not to mention my grandmother would keep the cookie jar well stocked when we were coming. Then, I remember going into town and buying soda's. What a treat that was! There was always a RC or Big Red coming my way on a visit to them. My folks never kept those "luxury" items on hand.

What I remember most, is his love of life! He was so much like Daniel. I still think that is what hooked me into Daniel. My grandfather was always laughing, and always so happy. I hope I can hold on to that love of life and feeling of happiness he always gave us. It was always great to see him, and while he never asked for us to come visit, he always thanked us for coming to visit, and said come back to see him anytime. I'm glad I did visit when I could, and would give anything to be able to visit with him again.

Anger Break

I've been on a bit of an "Anger Break". You see, it seems that everything ticks me off, and I just haven't been able to get past it. This year, one of those resolution thingy's was too be more positive. I've read a little of the Oprah thing, something about the laws of attraction. In my mind, it seems there are some people who are just genuinely happy all of the time, no matter what, they are positive and have kind words. I love/hate those people. I love that they are like that, I hate that I'm not more like that. Some of those people, I'm convinced are just too dumb to realize they should not be happy about their "circumstances".

Here's the short list on what has contributed to my "Anger Break"

Retailers selling crappy stuff: It seems like over the past couple of years, we buy a product and it just doesn't last. The TV I bought for my parents about 4 years ago, it quit working about 2 years ago. Only, it didn't completely quit working, just the remote control. Easy fix, right? You just get one of those universal gizmos and you're back in business. WRONG. We've tried universals, exact replacements, etc. NO LUCK. Apparently, the company manufactured that model to sell at the retailer for a "great deal", and used less than the best parts. So, I bought the replacement part that goes in the TV, but my dad's not brave enough to fix it. Two years pass, I don't know that he can even find the part anymore. Call a repair man? Of course, we thought of that 2 years ago. We had 2 tell us it would be cheaper to replace the TV than repair it. GO FIGURE. (Now my parents are waiting for this DTV thing...don't get me started.) We bought a weed-whacker. Guess what, we now found out it was manufactured for a retailer. (That would be Sears and Home Depot that we no longer shop at.) The starter went out on the weed whacker about 18 months after the purchase date. Good news: 3 year warranty. Bad news: warranty specifically doesn't include starters.

1995 Cadillac: Great deal a couple of years ago. We got the car for well under blue book. It was in excellent condition, only 50K miles -- truly one of those grandma cars that spent most of it's time parked in a cozy garage. The darn car hasn't been in use for almost a month now. The mechanic claims to have driven it with no problem. Of course, he only put 55 miles on it and used a half tank of gas -- about 8 gallons. Do the math...6.875 miles per gallon. That would tell me, there is a problem. My real problem, I got on the freeway and again lost complete power. Then it took over an hour to get home, about 4 miles, because I could not keep the car running. It just dies with no warning, no sputtering, you just realize, no power steering, oh, wait, that's no POWER. I'm mad at the car, the deal, the fact that I got rid of my little truck -- which I LOVED; the mechanic, and us. We have not had a free moment this week to take it back to the mechanic, or find another one -- mechanic that is.

Gas, fuel, cooking oil prices: Who isn't mad at this? Well, having my income rely on the "trucking" industry makes me mad. Until we either use resources in our back yard, or can tele-transport (or whatever it's called) we will have to truck products from place to place. It's ridiculous that we rely on the truck to take such a hit when the cost of transportation increases at an astounding rate. Did you know diesel is a bi-product of gasoline? So why is diesel so much more expensive than fuel??? We have all seen the cost of food rise -- I cannot believe how expensive cooking oil seems to be...did I just always get it on sale? It's a sign, don't eat things that require cooking oil.

Dishonesty: I grew up with honest, hard working parents. I thought lying was something you did when you said you were "up" in the morning. (Yes, in my house, my mom got me up...it took her about an hour...not something I'm proud of. God, please help me if I ever have a child...it's not going to be pretty.) Today it seems people are so dishonest. I have an incredibly hard time having repair men fix things (or find the problem). It's almost like honesty is something of the past. In my life, it's like, I have to ask myself, "How long before I find out the truth, because I know you're lying to me?" At least in my world. What do you do when it's your family that is being dishonest? How do you look past that? How do you forgive people? How do you know if it's you that need to be forgiven? I could go on, and on, and on...Forgiveness...another post all on it's own...(Thank goodness my parents are still honest, except of course their "senior" moments, but I don't hold that against them.)

Family Reunion: Yep, it was that time of year. Our annual family reunion. Growing up, I had two -- my mom's family and my dad's family. Some time, either high school or college, I'm not sure, someone ran off with the "Kitty" of money used to pay for the next family reunion on my dad's side. So, we're down to one. This year, we drove 120 miles to sit in a building that had to be 85 stuffy degrees. (Yes, we pay for a building, but the owners did not feel the need to turn on the AC this year.) What's more, is that due to "family feuds" over the years, I don't know if I should talk to some of the people there or not! I mean, really, can you imagine, wondering, should I go say "hello" to Cousin Jerry*, I think he's still angry that my grandfather bought out his father's property. True story. I've got no hard feelings. But hey, my grandparents owned the property. But, I can honestly say that I feel some of those people do not want anything to do with me. Maybe it's things my parents have said to them, or things my parents have said to me. But, really, it's not worth my time (or money spent in gas to get there). Yep, next year, first Sunday of August, I know where I will NOT be.


Sadly, my anger list is much longer than these 5 points. But, who wants to spend time dwelling on the little points. I'm sure that if I had a dependable car to drive, I'd do what many women do -- I'd go shopping! I'd get ice cream! I'd do anything but stay in my house and stew. It's like I'm a pot of stew, sometimes I even bubble over. I just hope, once I'm done, I'm tasty! :)

Good times, old pals

Have you ever had one of those pals, always in your life, but maybe just not every day? Someone you always laugh with, but never make enough time with? I have too many of those to count! Shame on me for not making more time to spend with those few special people. They make me feel good about who I am, and, well, just good, even when life's looking gloomy.

I had lunch with an old pal today. We have been a constant part of each other's lives for, gosh, I guess well over 15 years! I just realized how long we've really known each other. Time has just zoomed past us.

We went to high school together. So, during those days, we saw each other very often. There were classes together, social events together, and we even attended each other's family functions! Then, after a little chance entered the picture, ended up going to the same college. We even lived on the same side of campus in student housing. Throughout college we would "hang out", sometimes a lot, sometimes not.

This has always been unique relationship. I'm not sure why, other than we're both weird in our own ways. We'd ride home from college together; we'd complain about school and relationships; and we'd hang out at weird times walking around campus just talking about life. Then we may not see each other for an extended time, but like any other friendship, once we'd spend a little time together, it was as nothing had changed.

We each moved back to our hometown after college. Nothing changed, we were still each our own weird selves. Once we were out of school, we'd even ride back to college together for events. Time passed, and now, we're in that next phase of life. We spend our day to day lives working, being married (not to each other, obviously), spending time with family, and whatever else 30-somethings "do". Of course, we don't see each other often, but when we do, it almost always starts with a hug, there's time spent laughing, a few complaints, and ends with, "We should do this more often".

It's really comforting sharing a "past" with someone and knowing that no matter what, a "future" with them is just as likely...even if we drive each other crazy sometimes! ;)

Siblings -- Part One

I'm an only child. This means I grew up with just me and my parents -- both of them. I'm extremely grateful for having not just any male and female to grow up with; I actually had my biological mother and my biological father there to guide me through the maze of life...I digress, something that is common for me. There was no sharing, no sibling fights, no taking turns, no one to play with, no one to get scared with, no hand-me-downs, no one blame, no one to get in trouble with.

For the first 10 years of my life I hated the fact that my parents would not, or could not, provide me with a sibling...preferably an older brother. I was always fascinated by those with an older brother, and it just didn't make sense why they would not grant me this request. I really felt that I need an older brother to guide me. Of course, I was convinced that my parents just didn't tell me everything I needed to know socially. This "older brother" was a necessity for my social success. Luckily, I had a friend who closely fit the bill, but it just wasn't the same.

Then, the over the next 10 years I decided that when/if I ever married, he must have a large family. I already loved these people and could not wait to consider them my own. This was likely because each of my parents embraced their "in-laws". Growing up, it was as both sides of my family had known each other forever! I wanted the same thing. I wanted holidays to be a massive gathering of people, hanging out, having fun -- it would be something like I had only seen in the movies.

At some point during the next decade, I realized I may not find the family to marry, but I had quite possibly found the "one". So, we got married. He comes from a small family, only one brother. He has a few cousins, but they are not close. This was actually a "con" I had considered when we talked about getting married. The pictures of my future were fading, and I accepted that fact. We would create pictures better than I had imagined, just different.

Now, I'm in my thirties, I thank my parents often for not having any other children. It's taken me this long to realize I'm grateful to have grown up as an only child. Now, I have no one to share the work of caring for aging parents but I have no one to disagree with over how my parents should be cared for. There is no one for me to burden with my "woes" of life, but I do not feel obligated to continually provide support for a sibling that makes bad decisions.

No longer do I wish for more family, I just pray for guidance on how to handle the family that is in my life. I try to be thankful for what I do have. I realize it is more than many have, and quite possibly all I could handle.